I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
