apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i believe in u and ur pee
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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