It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
