Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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