So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
