For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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