dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
