There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
