I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
