i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
