Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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