i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Randomize
