First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
