Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize