dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
