I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Alive.
So much puke
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
