The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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