My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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