I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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