I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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