no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
