I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
