just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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