Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
