i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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