you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
