but the lizard people decide everything anyway
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
