So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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