the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
