you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
