This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
