Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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