i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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