I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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