I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
