My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
birth control should be required to get into college
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
