2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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