I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize