these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
