apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
