is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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