I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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