You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
