Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
