I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
