If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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