Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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