I think I died a long time ago.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
