I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
