i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
