This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
