Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
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Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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