In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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