i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
