i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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