I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
