is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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