btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
