I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
