YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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