It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
