i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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