I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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