You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
