I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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