I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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