my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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