I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
