Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
