I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You've changed since you got that strap on
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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