2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
