I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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