Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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