Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
