How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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