spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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