Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
