You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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